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How to let your amazingness shine through

During some recent work with a client, one thing became crystal clear. She’d been dumbing herself down for most of her life.

This behaviour started during her childhood. A few separate incidents made her fear failure. She also felt very different from her family and friends. Her fear of failure and dislike of not fitting in turned her into a people pleaser. Before long, she was shape-shifting to become whatever was demanded of her. This behaviour was completely sub-conscious, and the changes she made soon became her persona.

Her true amazingness – the kind, creative, courageous, resilient and fun leader she really is – remained, for the most part, buried in her. Flashes of this person were occasionally visible to those closest to her, but the person she saw herself was the hyper organised, efficient, productive people-pleaser.

I found it so easy to recognize this in my client. Because it was true for me, too.

I’ve spent much of my life dumbing myself down so I could:

  • fit in
  • be understood
  • be liked
  • be seen
  • be loved
  • feel safe and secure
  • feel stable

I even dumbed down my successful 28-year marketing career, where I was a serious game-changer. I’ve hardly referred to it at all in my last four years of doing life purpose coaching.

Why?

I was afraid it would cause people not to like me, because they’d view me as unethical. I consider much of what goes on in the marketing world as unethical, therefore I must be, too, if I’ve worked there.

Wow. That’s quite the admission. But I was completely unaware I was doing it. I’d just gloss over those 28 years and hope that no one asked me about the work I did then. That they’d focus instead on the ethical work I was doing now.

You know what?

The SAME person worked in marketing and in life purpose coaching. I did.

I, who:

  • has the same values now as when working in marketing
  • has spent the last 30 years learning how to live a purposeful life
  • left organizations routinely as a result of being asked to do something unethical

You know what else?

My 28 years of game-changing in marketing taught me a lot. They made a huge contribution to the person I am today. They helped give me my voice.

My business career has given me some incredible skills that I now use to help my clients. My journey through that part of my life is now helping me let my amazingness shine.

If you want to let your amazingness shine, try this!

  • Understand who you REALLY are. The whole you – don’t leave parts of yourself out, as I did for years.
  • Learn to manage your inner critics – the voices in your head that want you to be liked, to fit in, to be understood, to be loved, to be seen, to feel safe and secure, to feel stable.
  • Create daily practices that reinforce the key life truths of presence, acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, non-judgement, maintaining your boundaries.
  • Understand that it’s YOUR life and that no one is coming to save you. You can choose what your life looks like.
  • Have personal goals that reflect the whole you – your emotional, spiritual, mental, physical and financial health, what gives you self-esteem, what makes you self-fulfilled.
  • Take action. Dreams without action remain dreams.

Whenever you feel less than whole inside or are struggling to imagine what a dream life might look like, pay attention.

That’s a sign your amazingness is trying to shine through.

 

Sarah Blick is a very tall, dog-loving, morning person. She loves to be in the great outdoors, to write, to eat well, to be active and healthy, to make her own household and personal care products, and to listen to indie music. She’s an ENFP (Myers-Briggs) and a Rockstar (Fascination Advantage).

 

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6 actions that will change your life forever

If you’re like I am, you’ve spent a lot of your life in pursuit of this elusive state of being.

Feeling good about yourself.

Your pursuit has led you far and wide. You’ve read every self-help book going. You’ve owned the perfect home. You’ve done therapy. You’ve gone to meditation retreats. You’ve had your astrological chart done. You’ve hired a personal trainer. You’ve talked to mediums.

You name it, you’ve done it.

And, after all that, you still feel less than great about yourself. Any feel-good moments you encountered along the way were pretty fleeting.

This leaves you feeling deflated, even depressed. You’ve tried everything and nothing works.

Is This It?

No! Feeling good about yourself is just around the corner.

You were on the right track. The answers you were seeking do lie within some of what you tried. But, here’s the thing.

Merely experiencing these things doesn’t create lasting change.

What creates lasting change is action. A daily practice that incorporates all of the life truths you’ve learned.

You need to create new habits that are based on these life truths.

Here are six life truth habits that will help you feel good about yourself if you practice them daily.

  1. Get clear on your values and live your life according to them. If you have some firm guiding principles – and they’re essential if you’re to feel truly whole – they must operate in ALL aspects of your life. e.g. One of the things that drove me out of the corporate world was being told to treat people in ways that went completely against my values of kindness and compassion. e.g. When I’m shopping for anything, I find out everything I can before buying it so I know that the item has been ethically manufactured, has a minimal environmental footprint, etc.
  2. Be compassionate towards yourself and others. To me, being compassionate means being kind, understanding and forgiving. In a world that is becoming increasingly hard and critical, there is a real need for kindness, understanding and forgiveness. You cannot be truly compassionate to others if you’re not compassionate to yourself first. So give yourself a break – treat yourself with kindness, understanding and forgiveness. And then pass it on.
  3. Stop judging yourself and others. When you judge yourself or someone else, you are engaging in toxic behaviour. It’s damaging and exhausting. As a recovering judger myself, I understand how difficult it is to break this habit. What works for me – and has made my life so much more joyful – is to try to understand any difference I encounter and even celebrate it. e.g. When I see a garden full of gnomes, I note that, whilst they’re not my thing, it’s wonderful how much pleasure the owners must get from them.
  4. Question everything and stop making assumptions. It’s human nature to fill any void with something, and usually the first something that comes to mind is an assumption. Assumptions are ALWAYS wrong, and are at the root of most disagreement and conflict. If something isn’t clear, ask questions instead filling the void with assumptions. Ask as many questions as you need to get clarity, and don’t worry about looking stupid. Making assumptions is the best way I know to look stupid, as it turns you into a sheep – someone who unquestioningly follows the views, gossip or doctrines of others.
  5. Express gratitude freely and daily. Even at your lowest, when it feels like everything in your life is going wrong, there are things you should be grateful for. For me, it’s the amazing people in my life, the healthy food I’m able to eat, that I have a roof over my head, that I’m able to spend time in nature. Expressing gratitude helps balance you out and brings you away from the precipice. And gratitude begets gratitude – the more you’re grateful for, the more you’ll have to be grateful about.
  6. Ask for and give help. If you’re the sort of person who finds it easy to help others, you’re probably also someone who finds it hard to accept help from others. You may view the need for help as a weakness, a sign that you’re not capable. It’s not. It’s actually a sign of generosity – that you’re willing to give others that same wonderful feeling you get from helping.

When you start to create daily habits that reflect how you want to live, you’ll start to feel better about yourself. You are in control of how you feel, so take control and design a life that feels good.

 

Sarah Blick is a very tall, dog-loving, morning person. She loves to be in the great outdoors, to write, to eat well, to be active and healthy, to make her own household and personal care products, and to listen to indie music. She’s an ENFP (Myers-Briggs) and a Rockstar (Fascination Advantage).

 

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How to use new behaviours to remove toxicity from your life

And become healthier & happier

From a very young age, I was able to sense when something wasn’t right. I didn’t necessarily know WHAT wasn’t right, just that something wasn’t right. This particular skill wasn’t valued by those around me, so I learned to override this sense as soon as it arose. After a while, I found I was able to override pretty much anything unpleasant/troubling that arose. I became very responsible, very resilient and very strong.

Because of this aura I gave off, I attracted a lot of people who were looking to offload their unpleasant/troubling things onto someone else. And I willingly obliged – after all, there was nothing I couldn’t deal with, was there? This continued for years and years. Until, one day, I got sick. I was 38 and had developed an auto-immune disease. A disease that causes your OWN body to attack itself.

The toxic I had invited into my life had done a lot of damage.

It was as if my body said to me:

“OK, dear girl, despite my sending you warnings about this, you’ve been letting everyone and everything attack you for years. I now realize that the ONLY way to get your attention is for me to attack myself, causing you such disruption that you start to wake up.”

I did start to wake up.

I took a long, hard look at how I’d been living and made some important changes, mostly around what I was putting into my body. I created new behaviours. I removed all prepared foods from my diet and made everything myself. It was a powerful expression of self-love (I am worth taking the time and care to do this) and made sure I wasn’t eating toxic things like sugar, food preservatives, food emulsifiers and the endless chemicals found in prepared foods. And I started paying more attention to my work environments.

It wasn’t enough. I continued to get sick. The toxic still had a hold on my life.

After a while, I figured out the next step. Although I’d removed the toxic from I was ingesting orally, I hadn’t yet removed it from I was absorbing externally. From people. That took longer, because I wanted to believe that either I was impervious to their toxicity, or I could help them become less toxic. Or both.

I was wrong.

Firstly, toxic energy continues to permeate our energy until we’ve done so much work on ourselves that we radiate pure love. And I certainly wasn’t in that place yet. Secondly, it’s not my responsibility to help someone else become more or less anything. I’m responsible for myself. You are responsible for yourself. Trying to ‘fix’ others is disrespectful… and futile.

These days, I’m getting much better at keeping the toxic at arms’ length.

The minute I feel uncomfortable, I stop what I’m doing and leave, if necessary and possible.

By staying tuned in to how my body reacts to people, situations and food, I’m able to recognize this moment. Here’s what helps me:

  1. Meditating daily to stay tuned into my body. This gets me out of my head and into my body so I’m able to tune in.
  2. Getting very clear on my non-negotiable values and living according to these, WITHOUT exception. This often means saying no to things I used to say yes to, often out of curiosity e.g. hanging out with people whose values are diametrically opposed to mine.
  3. Acting in ways that keep me fit and healthy. Trying to get enough sleep, minimizing stress, exercising daily, putting the best possible food into my body. This keeps my operating system in top form!

By removing the toxic from my life, I act in my own best interests, and am healthier, happier and stronger. And in a much better position to be of service to others, if I am called on.

That’s what life’s all about.

 

Sarah Blick is a very tall, dog-loving, morning person. She loves to be in the great outdoors, to write, to eat well, to be active and healthy, to make her own household and personal care products, and to listen to indie music. She’s an ENFP (Myers-Briggs) and a Rockstar (Fascination Advantage).